The Magic of Starting Small

Micro goals, consistency, accumulated time and effort, and a little bit of magic

@settingsunss

Hi loves,

Building the life of your dreams can feel overwhelming, trust me, I know the feeling well.

When the reality you’re living doesn’t reflect the vision in your heart, it can feel impossible to imagine how things could ever change. Sometimes our desires seem like a massive leap from where we are now. And often, we forget that the journey isn’t from point A to point B – it’s from point A to point Z.

When you don’t know what the steps in between look like, even starting can feel impossible. You might feel like you need a perfect plan before you begin, and until you have that plan, it feels safer not to start at all.

But here’s the truth: that belief is what keeps us stuck. Because whatever you authentically desire, you can have. I promise. The path just might not look the way you thought it would. And that’s where the magic lies.

So how do we begin?
In this essay, I want to talk about micro goals, consistency, accumulated time and effort, and a little bit of magic.

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Start Small (Like, Really Small)

Big changes are built on small steps.

One of my favorite examples comes from Learned Hopefulness by Dr. Dan Tomasulo, a positive psychologist and one of my professors at Columbia. His work focuses on guiding people out of depression by strengthening hope. (Research actually shows that hope is one of the most powerful tools for emotional healing.)

In his book, he tells the story of a client he calls Amy, someone in a deep depressive episode. She couldn’t bring herself to wash dishes and had been using paper plates for months. At one point, Tomasulo gently suggested she try washing just one dish before their next session. Just one.

She returned the next week excited. Washing that one dish led to another, and another, until she found herself deep in a cleaning spree. She ended up cleaning her whole house, and for the first time in a long time, felt a renewed sense of control over her life. That single dish became the catalyst for a total shift.

Another client had spent years trying to write a novel but could never begin. The idea of writing the whole book felt overwhelming. Tomasulo encouraged her to start with just one sentence. That sentence turned into a paragraph, then a page, and eventually, an entire novel.

Your dream life won’t be built in one sweeping motion. It will unfold in the quiet, sacred decision to take a single small step, again and again.

@vivianagneuss

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Identify the Feeling Beneath the Goal

So how do you know where to start?

First, identify your core desire, not the thing you want, but the feeling you believe that thing will bring you. We often think we want material goals: the house, the relationship, the dream job. But underneath those things is usually a longing to feel something deeper.

Here’s a simple practice to help you uncover it:
Think of two people – one you admire and one you envy.
Write their names down.

Then ask yourself:
What do they have that I want? (e.g., A beautiful house)
How do I think it would make me feel? (e.g., Successful)
What comfort would that give me? (e.g., Safety)
What is the underlying feeling to that comfort? (e.g., Peace)

That last feeling, that’s your true goal. The house might be what you think you want, but what you really crave might be peace, or freedom, or joy. The house is just one imagined route to get there.